How Long Does A Marriage Last After Infidelity?
"My wife cheats on me", "my husband cheats on me"... This seems to be the death knell of a couple, even if some people get over it and forgive their partner. Being subjected to adultery or infidelity is always a trial.
Even if this situation may seem trivial nowadays, it is never trivial for the person who is confronted with it and who sometimes suffers dramatically and permanently. Discovering or learning that you have been cheated on is a cataclysm, even when you were expecting it, even if the couple has been going badly for a long time. Nothing prepares you for this betrayal and it must be recognised that it is sometimes the beginning of a descent into hell that can drag on and lead to depression. However deep the betrayal, it is possible to get through it and rebuild afterwards, whether or not you break up.
Infidelity is a leading cause of marital breakdown
When we consider all types of unions (marriage, common-law unions or cohabitation), separation or divorce concerns more than 700,000 couples per year, i.e. 900,000 people who go through this ordeal each year in the U.S. (not counting young households that have not been in a long-term relationship).
Of these tens of thousands of couples, how many leave each other in a context of infidelity? It is difficult to answer this question, but specialists estimate that almost one separation out of two is initiated following a report of deception. There are those who admit it, but most break-ups are the result of the deceived person discovering the other's infidelity.
In addition to the shock of this discovery, the circumstances of the separation or divorce are often very darkened by this 'betrayal' which will generate and intensify tensions and conflicts in the course of the break-up.
Infidelity and divorce
On average in our country, about 1000 divorces are pronounced every day. When we know that infidelity is one of the first causes of break-up, we can imagine how many people discover each year that they have been cheated on by their love partner.
Adultery is one of the most common reasons for a divorce and must be proven by the person who wants to have the divorce granted on this basis. Only a specialised lawyer can advise you on this delicate subject. It is always best to seek thorough professional advice before seeking proof of your spouse's infidelity. Certain behaviours to obtain evidence or certain evidence itself are inadmissible and you could run the risk of getting into further trouble by not taking the necessary precautions.
After 10 years of marriage, the most common problems are
After 10 years, when the honeymoon phase is a distant memory, you are more exposed to a variety of marital problems. We have consulted various therapists about the pitfalls to be prepared for at the end of that first decade, and how to deal with them.
1. You feel more like you are cohabiting than sharing a love affair
2. You find life together boring
3. Your sex life has lost its intensity
4. You are dissatisfied because your marriage seems to have prevented you from achieving certain aspirations
5. You find it much harder to live with yourself
6. You have stopped celebrating special occasions, both important and trivial
7. You forget to be light and silly together
8. The stress of becoming a homeowner is starting to weigh on you
Seven keys to rebuilding your relationship after infidelity
Faced with the misdemeanours of one or other of the spouses, the couple often plunges into anger, frustration and misunderstanding. Psychiatrist Christophe Fauré deciphers the seven areas to work on in order to restore trust between spouses and calmly envisage the future together again.
1. Understanding what happened
2. Re-learn the daily routine
3. Restoring communication
4. Restore trust
5. Learning to forgive
6. Reinvesting in sexuality
7. Reinvesting in the couple, reinvesting in oneself
Taking care of the relationship means
· Being as reliable and honest as possible with each other
· Expressing anger, pain, frustration or resentment without delay
· Projecting into the future together
· Re-learn to think in terms of 'we'.
· Rebalance the power games in the relationship
· Explicitly showing and naming your love for the other person